Digi-Scene

Dooce put up a post today, asking about our experiences with dating and what were deal breakers for us in the men we dated. After reading over a hundred comments, Kaitlin Duck Sherwood (I wish she had put in the URL for her blog if she has one), said exactly what I wanted to...

"I used to think that I had specific deal-breakers: no smokers, no fatties, nobody who had completely different political or religious convictions, etc. But what I found is that those are really preferences, and don't really matter nearly as much as being kind/considerate.

Note that he needs to be kind/considerate to everyone/thing, and that manifests itself in many ways, most of which have been detailed above.
+ If he's considerate of himself, he's not likely to be addicted to food, drugs, or alcohol.
+ If he's considerate of me, he's likely to modify his personal appearance and/or grooming habits to suit me (and won't beat me).
+ If he's considerate of other people, he's not likely to be divorced, feuding with his parents, or rude to service personnel.

Being crazy about me also is a big plus. If I don't absolutely thrill him, he should find someone else. (Note: I believe the tshirt that says, "I am somebody's fantasy". The trick is finding that someone.)

Now, after ten years of being deliriously happy with my husband, I'm much less willing to believe in absolute deal-breakers in case I were widowed. (Okay, I should admit that death is a complete deal-breaker.) If I had to go out looking again, it would be *easier* if he were physically gorgeous and had great teeth and dental hygine and loved what he did and didn't care about the money and shared my political and religious tastes, but those are far, far less important than whether he is kind."

Amen, sister.